Chapter 7 - Read the Room, Change the Game

Imani Rhodes

Miles - You’re leaning back in your chair, arms crossed, and you haven’t said a word since we sat down—which tells me either you’re thinking hard… or low-key annoyed I beat you here.

Miles Carter

Hmmm Maybe both. But you’re right—I was just replaying a conversation from earlier where I totally misread someone. Thought they were on board… turns out they were just polite and checked out.

Imani Rhodes

Thanks for the set up. That’s what we’re diving into today—how reading the room can change everything. Not just what you say, but how you say it, when you say it, and how the other person is wired to hear it. Because if your delivery doesn’t fit the moment, it doesn’t matter how good your message is.

Miles Carter

I mean, we’ve all heard that Maya Angelou quote, right? But there’s real science behind it. Harvard Business Review found that leaders who are emotionally attuned—who can sense and adapt to others’ energy—are seen as more trustworthy and promotable. That’s not just fluff, that’s data.

Imani Rhodes

Exactly. And Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research—this one always blows my mind—only 7% of meaning is in the actual words. The rest? Tone, pace, body language. So, you could have the best message in the world, but if your delivery doesn’t match the mood or mindset of the person in front of you, it’s like… static on the radio. They just tune out.

Miles Carter

And it’s not just about being “nice” or “soft.” It’s about being effective. If you’re pitching a new idea to a stressed-out exec and you go slow and detailed, you’re gonna lose them. But if you match their pace—get to the point, headline first—you get their attention. That’s what social agility is all about.

Imani Rhodes

You know, I had this HR meeting once—tense, everyone’s arms crossed, you could feel the distrust. I noticed one person’s jaw was clenched, but their eyes kept darting to the window. Instead of pushing my agenda, I just paused and asked, “Is there something we’re missing here?” That one question, and the way I asked it—soft, open—shifted the whole room. People started talking, not defending. It was like, the air changed. And honestly, I barely remember what we decided that day, but I remember how everyone walked out lighter.

Miles Carter

That’s it. Words matter, but the delivery is the multiplier. You can have all the ‘Power 10’ words, but if you’re not reading the room, you’re just… reciting a script. The best communicators, like Simon Sinek or Oprah, they adjust in real time. Sinek changes his tone for different audiences, Oprah matches her guests’ energy before she goes deep. It’s not magic, it’s skill.

Imani Rhodes

And it’s a skill anyone can build. You don’t need a title, or a degree, or to be the loudest person in the room. You just need to notice, to care, and to be willing to flex. That’s what makes you memorable, even if people forget your exact words.

Miles Carter

So let’s get practical. There’s a framework I use with clients all the time—Spot. Adjust. Deliver. First, you spot the state: what’s their energy, their mood, their body language? Then you adjust your approach—do you need to slow down, speed up, soften your tone? And finally, you deliver with confidence, in a way that matches what they need in that moment.

Imani Rhodes

Yeah, and there’s this tool called FAST-READ that makes it even easier. You walk into a room, and you just… scan. Are they fidgety and giving short answers? That’s rushed—so you go bottom-line first. Crossed arms, tight jaw? That’s tense—so you soften, give space. Smiling, leaning in? That’s your cue to be expressive, use stories, invite feedback. It’s like, you’re tuning your delivery to their frequency.

Miles Carter

I had a coaching client—a team leader—who kept missing with his group. He was all energy, all the time, but his team was burned out. Classic “energy mismatch.” So we practiced mirroring. He started matching their pace, even their posture—sat back, lowered his voice. Suddenly, people opened up. Instant rapport. It wasn’t about changing his message, just the delivery. That’s the difference between being heard and being ignored.

Imani Rhodes

And it works in every setting. If you’re talking to someone who wants details, you give them time to think, you go step-by-step. If they’re social and warm, you use stories, humor, visuals. If they’re quiet and steady, you keep it calm and structured. And if they’re bold and assertive, you get to the point, quick and confident. It’s not about being fake—it’s about being flexible.

Miles Carter

And the science backs it up. Mirror neurons—our brains are wired to respond to people who match our vibe. FBI negotiators use this. Salespeople, coaches, leaders. Even just nodding or matching someone’s tone can build trust in seconds. Joe Navarro, the ex-FBI guy, says you don’t even need the perfect words if your energy and posture match the moment.

Imani Rhodes

I love that. And honestly, sometimes it’s just about asking, “Do you want the overview or all the details?” Or, “I’m noticing some hesitation—want me to break it down differently?” Those little pivots show you’re paying attention, and that’s what people remember.

Imani Rhodes

Let’s talk about personality, because reading the room isn’t just about mood—it’s about who you’re talking to. There’s the DISC framework—Red, Yellow, Green, Blue. Or, if you’ve read ‘Surrounded by Idiots,’ it’s Driver, Influencer, Steady, Cautious. You don’t need to give people a quiz. You just watch: are they fast and direct? Probably a Driver. High energy, scattered focus? That’s your Influencer. Calm, steady, nodding? Steady. Asking lots of questions, taking notes? Analytical.

Miles Carter

There’s a killer moment in Say This, Not That by Chris Flickinger where he breaks down how different people need different entry points or doors, in a conversation—Drivers want the bottom line, Analytics want details, Expressives want connection, and Supporters need safety first. I had a client once who always looked kind of irritated—total “Sour Face.” But instead of pulling back, I remembered Flickinger’s advice: “Adjust the door, not the message.” I simply asked, “Want the overview or the full breakdown?” She leaned in, nodded, and said, “Give me the logic first.” That one adjustment changed everything. Turns out, she wasn’t mad—she was just waiting for the right door to open.

Imani Rhodes

Agreed— spotting microexpressions, like a fake smile or a furrowed brow. Then adjust or ask. I had a client once who always looked… well, kind of mad. But one day, I realized she was just thinking deeply, not upset. So instead of tiptoeing, I asked her to share what she was working through. That opened up a whole new level of trust. Sometimes, what looks like resistance is just… focus.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and Vanessa Van Edwards in ‘Captivate’ breaks down how charisma isn’t about being loud—it’s about reading cues and adjusting on the fly. You spot the microexpressions, you mirror just enough, you flex your delivery. That’s what makes people feel seen. And honestly, that’s what makes you unforgettable as a leader.

Imani Rhodes

So, if you want to build this muscle, try the FAST-READ in your next meeting. Silently categorize people—what energy are they giving off? Try mirroring someone’s vibe, or pivot your delivery with someone you usually “miss.” It might feel awkward at first, but that’s how you grow. And to sharpen your instincts even faster, go try the “Face It Fast” game in the Additional Resources. It’s quick, fun, and built to train your eyes and gut in real-world scenarios.

Miles Carter

And if you mess it up? That’s fine. We all do. The point is, you’re paying attention. You’re building the skill. And that’s what sets you apart—especially if you’re not the loudest voice in the room.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, that’s a wrap for today. Remember, it’s not about being a chameleon in your values, just in your delivery. Read the room, reach the person, and you’ll change the game—one conversation at a time.

Miles Carter

Try it out this week. Mirror, pause, match pace. And if you have a weird, wonderful, or totally awkward story, come share it with us in the Community Feed. That’s where the real growth happens.

Imani Rhodes

Thanks for listening everyone, we'll see you in the community feed.