Chapter 19: Act Like It’s Yours (Even If You’re Scared Shtless)

Imani Rhodes

Have you ever noticed how the most confident people in the room aren’t always the loudest—or even the most prepared? Sometimes, it’s the person who just quietly steps up, does the thing, and suddenly everyone’s looking to them. I was thinking about this after reading a Harvard Business Review piece on how confidence isn’t some magical trait you’re born with. It’s built, brick by brick, through action—tiny wins, rituals, and, by, by just showing up for your own life.

Miles Carter

Yeah, I love that. It’s like, you don’t get confidence by sitting around waiting for it to show up. You get it by doing the work—even if you’re not sure you’re ready. There’s this self-efficacy theory from Albert Bandura—he basically says confidence grows from mastery experiences. So, every time you do something, even if it’s small, you’re stacking up evidence that you can handle it. And, I mean, the research backs it up. TIME and HBR both have written about how rituals—like a pre-meeting routine or a quick check-in with your team—help build that confidence muscle over time.

Imani Rhodes

Exactly. And, you know, I’ve seen this play out in my own life. There was this one HR mediation I had to lead— lots of tension in the room. I was honestly terrified. But I’d done the prep, I had my little ritual—deep breath, quick mantra, “You’ve got this”—and then I just… did it. It wasn’t perfect, but I handled it. And after, I realized, “Wait, I can do hard things.” That one experience changed how I saw myself in every tough situation after that. It’s like, every time you step up, you’re teaching your brain, “Hey, I can handle this.”

Miles Carter

That’s so real. And it’s not just about the big moments, either. It’s those small, daily wins—like sending the email you’ve been avoiding, or volunteering to lead a quick stand-up. Those add up. And, If you’re telling yourself, “I’m the kind of person who follows through,” you start to believe it. It’s not hype—it’s science. You build confidence by doing, not by waiting for some mythical feeling of readiness.

Imani Rhodes

Right, and I think that’s a perfect segue into what we’re talking about next—because action is where the magic happens. Not just thinking about it, but actually moving, even if your knees are shaking.

Miles Carter

So, let’s dig into this idea of action bias. Just physically stepping forward, or being the first to volunteer, actually shifts-how-people-see-you and how you see-yourself. You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to move. And that movement, even if it’s tiny, sends a signal to your brain, and to everyone else—that you’re someone who takes ownership.

Imani Rhodes

That reminds me of this story—Jackson, the intern. He’s in this room with nine execs, right? He’s supposed to just observe, but then the director asks this big question, and everyone goes silent. Jackson almost stays quiet, but then he just… speaks up. Offers a perspective they hadn’t seen. And after, the VP tells him, “It takes courage to speak-up in a meeting like that.” He wasn’t confident—he just acted like the person he wanted to be. That one moment rewired his self-belief. It’s such a perfect example of courage before readiness.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and I think a lot of people listening are probably wondering, “Okay, but how do I find those small, scary actions to practice?” I’d say, it’s usually the thing you’re avoiding. The email you haven’t sent, the idea you want to pitch, the meeting you could lead. Start there. And if it feels too big, break it down. Maybe your ritual is just saying, “I’ll handle it,” in the mirror before work. Or, like, posting in our community, “Tomorrow, I’m gonna tackle X before it’s my turn.”

Imani Rhodes

And language helps, too. As we talked about in our last couple episodes, the words you use—like “clarify,” “commit,” “align”—can make action feel more natural. Even just saying, “I’m willing to try,” out loud, can shift your mindset. And don’t underestimate the power of community. When you see someone else step up, it’s contagious. That’s social modeling, and it’s a huge part of how we build self-efficacy, according to Bandura and, well, a lot of the research out there.

Miles Carter

Totally. And, look, you don’t have to be perfect. The fear doesn’t go away, but when you move anyway, it gets quieter. That’s how you build real, unshakable self-trust. It’s not about faking it till you make it—it’s about acting like it’s yours, even if you’re scared. That’s how growth actually happens.

Imani Rhodes

So, let’s talk about what this looks like at the highest levels. When you look at what CEOs and top coaches actually value, it’s not just technical skill. It’s decisiveness, adaptability, reliability—the courage to execute under pressure. Harvard Business Review, Center for Creative Leadership, —they’re saying the same thing. The people who stand out are the ones who step up, own their outcomes, and do it with integrity.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and the best leaders aren’t just checking boxes. They’re authentic. Authors Kouzes and Posner talk about modeling the way, encouraging others, enabling action, challenging the status quo, and inspiring a shared vision. Bill George calls it “True North”—being rooted in self-awareness and consistency. That’s what makes people want to follow you. Not because you’re perfect, but because you’re real and you show up, even when it’s hard.

Imani Rhodes

That’s so true. And, Miles, I know you’ve got a story here. You left management consulting to coach people who didn’t take the traditional path. That’s proactive ownership and authenticity in action, right?

Miles Carter

Yeah, I mean, I was on the “big firm” track, but I kept seeing people burn out—smart, capable folks who just needed someone to believe in them and give them a shot. So I left, started working with non-traditional learners, and honestly, it was scary. But every time I helped someone land a job or lead a team, it reinforced that confidence comes from doing, not just thinking about it. And that’s what I want for everyone listening—don’t wait for permission. Take ownership, even if you’re scared. That’s how you become the leader people trust.

Imani Rhodes

And that’s the heart of it. Authentic leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about being willing to act, to adapt, and to bring others along with you. So, as we wrap up, here’s our challenge: Don’t just listen —do. Pick one small, scary thing and own it this week. Post about it in our community, share your wins, and support someone else who’s stepping up. That’s how we all get better.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and don’t wait for the perfect moment. The action items. They’re what make this stick in the real world. So, be the first to raise your hand, try the micro-ritual, or just say, “I’ll handle it.” And if you want to connect, jump into the comments—share your story, cheer someone on, or challenge yourself to volunteer for something scary this week. We’re watching, and we’re rooting for you.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, that’s it for today. —keep building, keep acting, and we’ll see you in the next chapter.