Chapter 5: The Art of the Pause: Control the Room with Silence

Imani Rhodes

Welcome to chapter 5. Today, we’re talking about something that’s almost invisible, but it changes everything—silence. Or, as I like to call it, the power of the pause.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and if you’re thinking, “Wait, silence? Isn’t this a book about communication?”—that’s exactly why we’re here. Because sometimes, what you don’t say is what people remember most.

Imani Rhodes

Exactly. And there’s real science behind this. Dr. John Medina—he wrote Brain Rules—he says our brains crave breaks. When you pause, you’re giving people a chance to actually process what you just said. It’s like a punctuation mark for your brain. I love that phrase—“neural punctuation marks.”

Miles Carter

Yeah, and Harvard Business Review did a study on this. They found that when speakers pause strategically, people see them as more confident and competent. Not louder, not faster—just more in control. A few seconds of silence can make you look like you own the room.

Imani Rhodes

And it’s not just theory. If you watch TED Talks—Simon Sinek, Brené Brown, Amy Cuddy—they all use pauses before their big points. It’s like, the silence makes you lean in. You can almost feel the anticipation in the room.

Miles Carter

Absolutely. And I used to think pausing was just for dramatic effect, but it’s actually about giving people space to catch up. We can only absorb so much at once. If you just keep talking, people tune out. But if you pause, it’s like you’re saying, “Hey, this matters. Let it land.”

Imani Rhodes

So, I'm sitting in on a leadership training with a regional sales team recently—maybe fifteen people in the room. You could tell there were some underlying tensions, especially between the team lead and one of the newer managers. At one point, the lead makes a comment about performance—something like, “Well, some of us are still figuring out how to show up on time and communicate like adults. "Everyone laughed—but not in a good way. You could feel it land hard on the new manager. You could see it in her face. But she didn’t snap back. She didn’t force a smile or brush it off. She just paused. No emotion. No reaction. Just silence. She looked at him—steady. Not cold. Not rude. Just… present. And here’s the thing: the silence did the work. Within a few seconds, the team lead shifted in his chair, glanced around, and said, “Alright, that came out wrong. I was trying to make a joke, but that was off. My bad.” Silence can be the most powerful thing you bring to a meeting.

Miles Carter

Perfect. And it’s not just in sales team meetings. I’ve seen it on job sites, in client meetings, even in one-on-ones. The pause is like a reset for everyone’s nervous system. It gives you and the listener chance to reflect and think.

Miles Carter

Let’s talk about leaders who use this well. Barack Obama—he’s famous for those deliberate pauses. He’ll get a tough question, and instead of jumping in, he just… waits. You can see people hanging on his next word. That’s presence. Satya Nadella at Microsoft does it too—he’ll let the silence stretch, and it makes people feel like their input actually matters.

Imani Rhodes

And it’s not just a style thing. Google’s Project Aristotle found that psychological safety is the number one factor for effective teams. When leaders pause, it gives space for others to speak up. It’s like saying, “I’m not here to dominate—I’m here to listen.”

Miles Carter

There’s also data from Gong.io—this is for all the sales folks out there. Their research shows that top salespeople pause longer after asking a question, especially after quoting a price. It’s almost like, whoever speaks first loses control of the conversation. Want me to roleplay that?

Imani Rhodes

Yes, please. Let’s do it.

Miles Carter

Alright, picture this: I’m the salesperson, you’re the client. I say, “The investment for this solution is Eighteen Hundred Dollars.”

Miles Carter

-----Now, most people want to fill that silence—start justifying, explaining, maybe even discounting. But if I just wait, you—the client—have to process. Nine times out of ten, you’ll either ask a real question or just say, “Okay.” The pause shifts the power. It’s not about being pushy—it’s about being confident enough to let your words stand on their own.

Imani Rhodes

That’s so true. I’ve seen the same thing in feedback sessions. If you give someone feedback and then pause, it shows respect. You’re not rushing to soften the blow or over-explain. You’re giving them space to respond. It’s a small thing, but it changes the whole dynamic.

Miles Carter

And it works in tough conversations too. Like, if someone’s upset about a plan changing on a project, just listen, pause, process, take your time and then give a strong, confident, meaningful response. “Okay. Here’s what I think is best, given where we are.” That pause is what steadies the ladder, not the words themselves.

Imani Rhodes

I love that—“Silence steadies the ladder.” That’s more than just a cool line. That’s a mindset. Because when things start shaking—when people are frustrated or plans change—most folks try to talk their way out of it. They climb faster, hoping words will fix the wobble. But that often makes it worse. The pause is what steadies the moment. It signals confidence. It gives everyone—including you—a second to reset your grip. That’s leadership. Not filling-space. Holding-space.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, let’s get practical. How do you actually use the pause? First, try this: when you introduce yourself, pause after your name. “I’m Imani.” (Pause.) ----“I help teams find their voice.” It feels weird at first, but it makes people pay attention.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and if you’re someone who says “um” or “like” a lot—don’t beat yourself up. Just swap those fillers for a breath. It’s awkward at first, but it builds discipline. Toastmasters actually trains people to do this. Silence boosts clarity and presence.

Imani Rhodes

Practice in safe spaces. Try it in your next team meeting, or even just on a voice note to yourself. And remember, the pause is your spoken period. “Let’s keep the focus tight.” --- ----- “We’re here to finish.” --- "tonight"

Miles Carter

Let’s debunk the big fear—people think silence makes them look unsure. But actually, it’s the opposite. Over-talking, over-explaining, using fillers—that’s what dilutes your message. When you pause, you look confident. You look like someone worth listening to.

Imani Rhodes

I’ll be real—my first Toastmasters speech, I was terrified. I lost my place, and there was this long, awkward silence. I thought I’d blown it. But afterwards, people told me that pause made them lean in. It gave my words weight. Sometimes, the silence is what people remember most.

Miles Carter

So here’s your challenge for tomorrow: Pause after your name in your next intro. Replace three filler words with a second of silence. Try it in a meeting, or even with your family. And if you stumble, that’s fine. That’s how you build the muscle.

Imani Rhodes

And share your wins—and your stumbles—in our community. Drop your own “sticky phrases” or stories about how a pause changed a conversation. That’s how we all get better. Don’t just listen—do the action items. That’s what makes this stick in the real world.

Miles Carter

Yeah, don’t skip the reps. Try a roleplay, post a voice recording, or challenge a teammate to swap fillers for silence. The comments are there to connect and support each other. If you’ve been applying what you’ve learned in this book, people are already noticing—you’re coming across more confident, clear, and in control. So make it count.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, that’s it for today. Remember, “Silence steadies the ladder.”

Miles Carter

And to everyone listening-. —------- We’ll see you in chapter 6.

Imani Rhodes

Priceless!