Chapter 29 - Turn Feedback into Fuel

Imani Rhodes

Okay, Miles, let me set the scene. Picture this: I’m twenty-three, standing on a tiny stage at a poetry slam, heart pounding, palms sweaty—classic. I read my piece, and the judge, who looks like he’s been grading poems since the invention of ink, just says, “That was… ambitious. But you lost the thread halfway through.” Ouch. It felt like hot sauce on a paper cut. I wanted to disappear. But backstage, after the sting faded, I realized—he was right. I’d gotten lost in my own words. That feedback? It stung, but I needed it. It identified a weakness that I was able to improve. Why does it feel so personal, though? Why does feedback hit us right in the ego?

Miles Carter

Yeah, unfortunately our brains are wired to treat criticism like a threat. There’s this research from Carol Dweck—she’s the growth mindset person, right?—that says we tend to see feedback as a judgment on who we are, not just what we did. And Ed Batista talks about those emotional triggers—like, you hear feedback and your brain just goes, “Nope, not-today!” - It’s ego, it's fear, it’s identity. We want to be seen as competent. So anything that pokes at that? Feels like a personal-attack, even-if-it’s-not.

Imani Rhodes

Exactly. And it’s not just about the words, it’s about the story we tell ourselves. Like, “If I messed up this poem, maybe I’m not a real poet.” Or at work, “If my boss says I missed a detail, maybe I’m not cut out for this.” But here’s the twist: what if the thing we dread most—someone’s blunt critique—is actually our shortcut to the next level? Miles, you ever had feedback that felt like a punch but ended up being a gift?

Miles Carter

Oh, for sure. I’ve had managers who didn’t sugarcoat anything. At first, I’d get defensive—like, “Who are you to tell me that?” But looking back, those were the moments that actually moved the needle. So, here’s the question for today: What if feedback—the stuff that stings—isn’t just something to survive, but the fastest way to grow? The obstacle is the way as Ryan Holiday says. That’s what we’re digging into.

Imani Rhodes

The impediment to action advances action. Let’s get into how to actually turn that sting into fuel.

Miles Carter

Alright, let’s get practical. There are two frameworks I swear by for feedback. First, SBI—Situation, Behavior, Impact. It’s how you give feedback without making it personal. Second, the 3R method—Receive, Reflect, Respond. That’s how you use feedback, even when it’s delivered like a brick through your window. Let’s do a quick roleplay. Imani, you’re the server, I’m the manager. Ready?

Imani Rhodes

Yep. Hit me.

Miles Carter

“Hey, I noticed during lunch rush you didn’t offer refills after the first round. Next time, try checking in with every table again after two minutes. It keeps the customers happy.”

Imani Rhodes

“Thanks for the heads up. So, check in at two minutes, confirm with a smile, and I’ll let you know how my customers respond.” See, that’s the 3R in action. I didn’t get defensive, I just took it in, reflected, and responded with a plan.

Miles Carter

Exactly. And SBI keeps it about the behavior, not the person. Here’s another: Tech apprentice and mentor. “Your install speed is good, but the cable routes got messy—try this binding trick and let me know how it goes on the next job.”

Imani Rhodes

“Will do. I’ll send before-and-after pics. Thanks for the tip.” Simple, actionable, no drama. And here’s the thing—90% of Fortune 500 companies use 360-degree feedback. It’s not just a corporate thing; it’s everywhere. But the research is clear: positive feedback boosts performance, but negative feedback only helps if it’s actionable. Otherwise, it just feels like a slap.

Miles Carter

And leaders—whether it’s CEOs or pro coaches—they’re obsessed with coachability. Not just raw talent, but how well you take feedback and turn it into action. That’s what gets you promoted, gets you picked for the next big project, and it keeps you from getting stuck. It's part of having that growth mindset.

Imani Rhodes

Let me tell you about a barista I knew. She was fast—really fast—but one morning a customer left a brutal comment card: "Drinks are sloppy. Foam everywhere. Lid barely on. Feels rushed and careless. Now, most people would complain, roll their eyes, or blame the customer. But not this barista. The next week, she slowed down by just five seconds per drink, practiced perfect lids and latte art after hours, and even timed themselves until it felt natural. A month later, the same customer came back and said, “I don’t know what changed, but your drinks are perfect now. I tell everyone this is my favorite shop. The criticism that hurts the most is often the free coaching that sets you apart—if you let it.

Miles Carter

That’s so good. And it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being open. Like, ask for feedback, act on it, and then check back—“Did that hit the mark?” That’s how you build trust and credibility, fast.

Imani Rhodes

And if you’re listening and thinking, “But what if the feedback is just mean or useless?”—we’ll get to that. There’s a way to filter out the noise and still find the gold. But first, let’s rapid-fire some real-world scenarios so you can see how this works, even when the person giving feedback is, well, less than kind.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, let’s do this. Five feedback scenarios, real-quick. Miles you give the feedback, I’ll show how to receive and use it—even if you’re being a jerk. Ready?

Miles Carter

Let’s go. Scenario one: “Honestly, your report was all over the place. Did you even proofread the one section?”

Imani Rhodes

Ouch. Okay, receive—don’t react. “Thanks for letting me know. Can you point out the one section that was most confusing? I’ll tighten it up and send a revision.”

Miles Carter

Scenario two: “You always interrupt in meetings. It’s really annoying.”

Imani Rhodes

Reflect—“I didn’t realize I was doing that. Next meeting, I’ll focus on listening and only jump in after others finish. Let me know if you notice a difference.”

Miles Carter

Scenario three: “Your emails are way too long. No one reads them.”

Imani Rhodes

Respond—“Thanks for the feedback, I'll start paying more attention to that.”

Miles Carter

Scenario four: “You’re not a team player. People say you do your own thing.”

Imani Rhodes

That one stings. -“I appreciate the honesty. Can you give me an example? I want to make sure I’m supporting the team, not just my own work.”

Miles Carter

Last one: “You’re too sensitive. Toughen up.”

Imani Rhodes

“I hear you. I care a lot about my work, but I’ll work on not taking things so personally. If you notice me getting defensive, please just let me know.”

Miles Carter

That’s textbook 3R. And here’s the science: Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety shows that when people feel safe, feedback becomes fuel, not a threat. Teams that build that safety—where mistakes are data, not character flaws—grow faster and trust deeper. Niagara Institute and NeuroLeadership have free tools you can use right away—like bi-weekly check-ins, “two positives, two improvements,” and asking, “What did I miss?”

Imani Rhodes

So here’s your charge: Don’t just hear feedback—live it. This week, ask one person, “What’s one thing I could improve?” Act on it within 48 hours. Then, post your action in the community. Share what you learned, and comment on someone else’s post. Criticism is the chisel; action is the shape you give it. That’s how you make this real, not just another podcast in your queue.

Miles Carter

Seriously, the action items are what make this stick. Don’t just listen—do it. Share your wins, your stumbles, your “I tried it and here’s what changed” moments in the comments. That’s how we all get better, together. And if you see someone else’s story, drop a comment, ask a question, or just say, “Hey, I’ve been there too.”

Imani Rhodes

We want you to be the best. Don’t wait—start now. Ask for feedback, use it, and let us know how it goes. That’s how you turn feedback into fuel.

Miles Carter

See you all in chapter 30. And remember—action is where the growth happens.