Chapter 16: Stop Proving, Start Improving

Imani Rhodes

Picture this: a warehouse, early morning, fluorescent lights humming, and there’s this one worker—let’s call them Sam. Sam’s not the loudest, not the fastest, but every time a new process rolls out, Sam’s the one quietly figuring it out, practicing the new scan, tweaking their route, even when nobody’s watching. Months go by, and suddenly, everyone’s asking Sam for advice. It’s like, invisible practice turns into visible trust. Reminds me of what Seth Godin calls “shipping”—just showing up, doing the work, not waiting for applause. You ever see that in your world?

Miles Carter

Oh, absolutely. I mean, I see it all the time, especially with folks who are new to a job. There’s this urge to prove yourself, right? You want the boss to notice, you want the team to say, “Hey, you crushed it!” But here’s the catch—chasing that praise? It’s like a sugar rush. You get this high, but then, boom. -You crash. I call it the “praise hangover.” Suddenly, you’re skipping the tough reps—the boring, behind-the-scenes stuff that actually leads to real wins. You start chasing flash instead of putting in the grind. And that’s what keeps you stuck.

Imani Rhodes

Yeah, and it’s sneaky, right? Because even if on the outside, it looks like you’re working hard, inside, you’re just performing for validation. I think about Dr. Eddie Brummelman’s research—kids praised for being “smart” end up avoiding hard stuff. Adults do it too. If your whole identity is “I’m the natural,” you’re terrified to look like a beginner. But people like Sam in the warehouse? They’re not chasing praise. They’re chasing better. That’s the difference.

Miles Carter

Absolutely. And, you know, making invisible practice a habit—it’s not glamorous. It’s those extra reps when nobody’s watching, or asking, “How can I do this with less effort and fewer mistakes?” instead of “Did you see how fast I was?” I always tell my clients: don’t put your growth in someone else’s applause. If you’re only working hard when someone’s looking, you’re not really building skill. You’re just building a mask.

Imani Rhodes

That’s so real. And I think, for anyone listening, the question is: how do you know when you’re performing for validation versus actually improving? For me, it’s when I start filtering my work—like, “Will this get a compliment?” instead of, “Did I learn something new?” If you catch yourself doing that, maybe it’s time to step back and ask, “What would invisible practice look like for me this week?”

Miles Carter

Yeah, and maybe even ask a teammate, “Hey, what’s one thing I could do better that would support you?” That’s where the real growth happens. Not in the spotlight, but in the shadows, you know?

Miles Carter

So, let’s get practical. I wanna roleplay a scenario— Imagine two call center agents. First one, let’s call them Alex, gets feedback: “Hey, you missed a few details on that last call.” Alex goes, “I’ve done this a hundred times, must’ve been a glitch.” That’s fixed mindset, right? Defending, not learning. Now, second agent, Taylor, says, “Thanks for the feedback, I feel like I’ve been rushing, can we walk through it?" That’s growth mindset in action. Carol Dweck talks about this—are you becoming, or just being?

Imani Rhodes

That’s such a clear split. And it reminds me of Mirror Mode versus Mastery Mode. Mirror Mode is when you’re obsessed with how you look, how you sound, how you’re perceived. I lived there for years as a writer, honestly. Every script, every draft, I was like, “Will they think I’m brilliant?” But Mastery Mode? That’s when you’re in it for the craft, not the claps. You’re willing to show your ugly drafts, to get feedback, to risk not being the best in the room. That’s where the magic happens.

Miles Carter

Yeah, Pro Mode isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being coachable. Like, if you’re a server at a restaurant and a customer says, “You’re-great!”—do you just say, “Thanks, I get that a lot,” or do you say, “Thanks! Any suggestions that would make your-next-visit-better?” That’s the difference. Pro Mode is hungry for better, not just hungry for praise.

Imani Rhodes

And it’s contagious, too. When teams see someone owning mistakes, asking for feedback, it sets a tone. It’s like, “Oh, it’s safe to learn here.” I think leaders can encourage that by modeling it—admitting when they don’t know, or when they mess up. It’s not about being flawless, it’s about being real. And honestly, that’s what builds trust.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and if you’re listening and thinking, “How do I encourage this in my team?”—start with body language during correction. Are people-open, or are they shutting-down? Do they ask follow-up questions, or do they get defensive? Coachability is the number one trait top coaches look for, not just talent. That’s what Nick Saban, Satya Nadella, all those folks are after. Growth mindset over pedigree, every time.

Imani Rhodes

And if you’re solo, or you don’t have a team, you can still do this. Ask yourself: “Am I in Show Mode or Pro Mode right now?” If you’re just trying to look good, maybe it’s time to get curious instead. That’s where the real improvement starts.

Imani Rhodes

So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room—ego. Ryan Holiday’s book, “Ego is the Enemy,” nails this. There’s this chef I worked with once, super talented, but every time someone gave feedback, you could see the wall go up. They’d filter everything through, “Are you saying I’m not good enough?” Ego caused missed opportunities—not because they weren’t skilled, but because they couldn’t get curious. Ego blocked the upgrade.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and it’s wild how often that happens. Ego tells us we’re too good to be coached, but the best athletes, the best leaders—they’re obsessed with getting better, not just looking ready. I always bring up the 1% rule from “Atomic Habits.” If you get just a little bit better every day, it compounds. But you can’t do that if you’re stuck defending your status. Real confidence is quiet. It’s not about posturing, it’s about progress.

Imani Rhodes

And spotting ego-driven habits in yourself? Whew, that’s tough. -For me, it’s when I start explaining away feedback, or I only want to hear the good stuff. That’s the “echo chamber of excellence”—where you only hear praise, never critique. The antidote is humility. Ask for feedback, even if it stings. Show your rough drafts. Be willing to look like a beginner again.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and taking action on feedback— man, that’s where the rubber meets the road. Don’t just nod and say, “Good point.” Actually try it. Test the new approach, even if it feels awkward. And if you’re not sure where to start, just pick one thing—ask a peer, “What’s one thing I could do 1% better tomorrow?” That’s it. Small steps, big change.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, let’s land this. If you’re listening, don’t just nod along—do the action items. That’s what makes this stick in the real world. Share what you’re working on in the community and comments—maybe it’s asking for feedback, owning a mistake, or practicing in private. Your story might help someone else stop proving and start imm-proving. We want you to BE-the-best, not just look-the-best. Miles, anything you wanna add before we sign off?

Miles Carter

Just this: don’t wait for permission to get better. Take one thing from today—maybe it’s invisible practice, maybe it’s asking for feedback, maybe it’s just catching yourself in Show Mode—and try it tomorrow. That’s how you build real confidence. And hey, drop your wins and your struggles in the comments. We’re all learning here.

Imani Rhodes

Well said. -Thanks for listening, everyone. Keep growing, keep sharing, and remember—don’t chase praise, chase better.