Chapter 9: Leading Without Permission

Imani Rhodes

Okay, Miles, let me start with a question. Have you ever noticed how, in every group, there’s always that one person who just… rises up. Not because they’re the boss, but because they see the room spinning and they just, like, quietly take charge. I call it “grabbing the remote”—it’s not about control, it’s about clarity. It’s the difference between waiting for permission and actually leading.

Miles Carter

Yeah, I love that. And it’s funny, because most people think leadership is this big, official thing—like, you need a title, or a corner office, or, I don’t know, a LinkedIn badge. But the research says otherwise. Only about 10% of people in organizations are formal leaders, but every single team needs leadership behavior. That’s from Harvard Business Review, by the way. So, the math doesn’t add up unless people step up without waiting for the title.

Imani Rhodes

Exactly. And Linda Hill at Harvard calls this “Emergent Leadership.” It’s when someone just… rises up, not because they have authority, but because they show competence, confidence, and care. I saw this all the time back in my HR days. Like, there was this one time—total chaos, right? The manager was out, the phones were blowing up, and everyone was kind of frozen. And then this quiet team member, who never spoke up in meetings, just stood up and said, “Okay, let’s pause. What’s actually in our control right now?” People got focused on solutions. That’s leadership. No badge, no memo, just… action.

Miles Carter

For me, it was in a team meeting that started spiraling—people talking over each other, getting defensive, no clear direction. Then one person—wasn’t the boss, just someone thoughtful—spoke up and said, “Okay, what’s the real issue we’re trying to solve here? "Everything shifted. The room got quiet. People reset. And from that moment, the meeting actually started working. That simple question changed the tone. People paused, refocused, and the conversation finally started moving in a useful direction.

Imani Rhodes

Yeah, and I think we all have those stories. The person who steps up when no one’s watching, or who pulls you up when you’re struggling—not for credit, but because it’s the right thing. That’s the kind of leadership that sticks with you. And honestly, it’s what companies are desperate for right now—people who show initiative without ego, who bring others in instead of just solving things solo.

Miles Carter

And spotting those leaders? It’s usually the person who sets the tone, not just the one who finishes the task. They’re the ones who, in a crisis, say, “Let’s name what’s unclear before we point fingers.” Or, “We’ve worked through worse—what’s our first move?” It’s subtle, but it changes everything.

Imani Rhodes

Totally. And, you know, building on what we've been talking about throughout this book. The language you use in those moments—clarify, align, commit—it’s not just about sounding smart. It’s about creating trust and moving the room forward, even if you’re not the one with the title.

Miles Carter

So, let’s talk about what actually makes people step up. Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety is huge here. The best leaders—formal or not—create trust so anyone can speak up, even when things get tense. It’s not about being the hero, it’s about making it safe for others to jump in.

Imani Rhodes

Right, and it’s not just theory. Let’s do a quick roleplay. I’ll be the “what most people do” voice, and you be the “what leaders do differently.” Ready?

Miles Carter

Let’s go.

Imani Rhodes

Okay, so, chaos on a Friday. Crew leader’s out, client’s upset. I’m the bad example team member: -“This is stupid. Where is Dan? Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”

Miles Carter

And I’m the permissionless leader you want to model: - “okay, Let’s pause—what’s in our control right now?”

Imani Rhodes

See? It’s not about having the answer, it’s about setting the room. Or, as I like to say, “Set-the-room, don’t ride-the-room.”

Miles Carter

Exactly. And it’s the same in meetings. Someone starts dominating, things spiral, and the emerging leader says, “Can I jump in real quick? I think we’re spiraling a little. Can we go back to the core problem?” That’s how you de-escalate and re-center the group. It’s aggressive and humble at the same time—hungry, humble, and smart, like Patrick Lencioni says.

Imani Rhodes

And it’s not just about words. Sometimes it’s small, visible actions—like sending the recap email after a meeting, or organizing the messy supply closet. Those things become cultural anchors. You don’t need permission to do them, but they change how people see you and how the team works.

Miles Carter

Satya Nadella at Microsoft is a great example. He didn’t just give orders from the top—he transformed the culture by making open dialogue the norm. He said, “Leaders are made in the moments when there’s ambiguity. The person who clarifies, leads.” That’s what we’re talking about—leadership that’s about influence, not authority.

Imani Rhodes

And it’s not just CEOs. Indra Nooyi at PepsiCo said, “You can’t mandate leadership. You model it. And the quiet ones—those are the ones I watched closely.” So, if you’re listening and you think, “I’m not the loudest in the room,” that’s actually your superpower. You can lead in lowercase. It’s quieter, but it carries.

Miles Carter

And if you want to practice, try this tomorrow: Use “we” five times more than “I” in your next conversation. Watch how the room shifts. Or, before you jump to fix something, start with, “Let’s clarify what the real problem is here.” It’s simple, but it’s powerful.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, let’s get practical. If you want to build on this, there are some great books out there. ‘Leaders Eat Last’ by Simon Sinek is all about building trust without formal authority. He talks about the “Circle of Safety”—how leaders create environments where people feel safe and valued, not just managed. It’s not about commanding, it’s about serving. And honestly, it’s a game-changer for anyone who wants to lead from any seat.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and ‘Multipliers’ by Liz Wiseman is another one. It’s about how the best leaders expand the intelligence and capacity of others, instead of just showing how smart they are. And ‘Turn the Ship Around’ by David Marquet—he was a submarine captain who gave up control to create more leaders. It’s all about making leadership something everyone can do, not just the person at the top.

Imani Rhodes

“When everyone’s waiting for permission, the real leader is the one who grabs the remote.” So, if you’re listening, don’t wait. Frame the issue early, send the team recap, use ‘we’ language. These are things you can do tomorrow. They’re small, but they build trust and influence over time.

Miles Carter

And don’t just listen—do the action steps. That’s what makes it real. Try sending a recap after your next meeting, or start a thread in the community feed about a moment you led without asking. Or, share what calm leadership looks like in your world. The more you contribute, the more you learn—and you help someone else find their voice, too.

Imani Rhodes

Yeah, and if you want to make this stick, don’t wait for someone to tap you on the shoulder. Lead out loud—quietly, clearly, and with calm. And if this hits home, tell us how you’ve ‘started the shift’ lately. Drop your story in the community feed, because someone else might need your example to find their own way to lead.

Miles Carter

Alright, Imani, this was a good one. I’m excited to see what people do with this. Remember, the action steps are what make it stick. Don’t just think about it—try it, share it, and let’s build something real together.

Imani Rhodes

Couldn’t have said it better. Thanks for listening, everyone. We’ll see you in chapter 10.