Chapter 30 - Don’t Gossip—Go Direct

Imani Rhodes

So—gossip in a team is like a slow leak in a tire. You barely notice it at first, but one day you’re stranded on the side of the road, wondering how you got there. That’s what happens to trust when we let gossip slide. It’s subtle, but it’ll leave you stuck.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and it’s not just a metaphor. Harvard Business Review and the Journal of Applied Psychology both found that even so-called “harmless” gossip chips away at psychological safety. Teams get defensive, people start watching their backs, and before you know it, turnover goes up. I mean, nobody wants to work where they feel like the next rumor is-about-them.

Imani Rhodes

Exactly. And it’s not just about feelings—there’s data. Gossip increases anxiety, drains emotional energy, and actually makes people less proactive. Especially if you’re already a little high-strung or, you know, working in a high-stress job. It’s like, you come in ready to do your best, but the background noise just wears you down.

Miles Carter

I’ve seen it firsthand. When I was a new manager—this was, what, my second year out of college?—I inherited a team with a full-on whisper network. People would huddle up after meetings, and you could just feel the tension. Morale was in the basement. I finally just called it out and said, “Look, if we’ve got a problem, let’s talk about it in the open.” It was awkward, but things actually started to shift. People stopped looking over their shoulders and started solving problems together.

Imani Rhodes

That’s courage in action, Miles. And it’s so true—people tend to avoid co-workers who create drama and gravitate to the ones who solve problems.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and leaders notice. The folks who go direct, who actually address things head-on, they’re the ones who get trusted with bigger projects. Gossipers? They get labeled as risky, or just not ready for more responsibility. It’s like, you want to be the person people come to for solutions, not the one they avoid in the break room.

Imani Rhodes

So let’s talk about what actually works. Amy Edmondson—she’s the psychological safety guru—says high-performing teams don’t triangulate. They speak openly, even when it’s uncomfortable. And Kim Scott, in Radical Candor, calls it “caring personally, challenging directly.” That’s the sweet spot.

Miles Carter

And it’s not just theory. There’s research showing that warmth in communication builds twice as much trust as just being technically brilliant. So, you can be the smartest person in the room, but if you’re not direct and caring, people won’t trust you. It’s that simple.

Imani Rhodes

I love that. And Daniel Coyle, in The Culture Code, talks about how frequent, quality contact—just talking to each other, not about each other—keeps trust high, even if you’re remote or in different departments. I mean, think about it: when was the last time talking behind someone's back actually solved a problem?

Miles Carter

Never. I mean, this isn't high school, you're on a real team. Here’s a scenario: there’s a scheduling mistake, and suddenly there’s this chain reaction of whispers—“Did you hear what happened with the schedule?” What if Instead, one person goes straight to the source and says, “Hey, I noticed the shift got swapped. Can we talk about what happened?” Suddenly, it’s not a crisis, it’s a conversation. And that person? They-earn-respect. Sometimes, that’s the person who gets tapped for leadership later on.

Imani Rhodes

That’s the office echo, right? The sound just bounces around, but nobody hears the truth until someone goes direct. And it’s not about being confrontational—it’s about protecting trust. “Conversations fix. Gossip fractures.” If you wouldn’t post it, don’t pass it.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and directness is a career accelerator. Tasha Eurich’s research shows that people who communicate directly are seen as courageous and reliable. That’s the brand you want. It might feel awkward in the moment, but it pays off in respect and influence over time.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, let’s get practical. If you hear someone start with, “Did you hear about…?”—that’s your cue. Try, “Let’s talk directly with them if that’s unclear,” or, “I’d rather ask them and get the right info.” It’s a gentle redirect, but it chips away at the gossip habit.

Miles Carter

And if you need to open a direct conversation, keep it simple. “I noticed you did X. Can we talk about what happened so I understand?” Or, “I’ve heard something and wanted to hear your side before assuming.” That’s it. You’re not accusing, you’re inviting clarity.

Miles Carter

“Alright, let’s give some real examples. Imani, I’ll walk through a good way to approach someone directly—and you break down why it works.”

Imani Rhodes

Let's go.

Miles Carter

“I heard something about a client being unhappy last Friday—can we chat about it before I hear more versions?”

Imani Rhodes

Why it works: Prevents blame spirals, shows leadership without accusing.

Miles Carter

“I’ve heard three versions of why the shoe display isn’t stocked. Can we just talk about it and see what needs to be done?”

Imani Rhodes

Replaces confusion with coordination.

Miles Carter

“Word’s going around that the estimate was padded—can we go over it so I understand and can shut that noise down?”

Imani Rhodes

Protects reputation, invites collaboration, shuts gossip down with facts.

Miles Carter

“I overheard someone say you nearly clipped a pallet yesterday. Rather than that floating around, want to walk through what happened?”

Imani Rhodes

Puts safety first, avoids shame, addresses the real issue.

Miles Carter

See, it’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present. And if you want to build trust, start with one direct conversation this week. Just one. Then share how it went in the community. That’s how we trade gossip for grit around here.

Imani Rhodes

“Seriously, don’t just listen—do the action items. That’s how this becomes real. Use one of the lines from this episode, stop the spiral, and have the guts to go direct.

Miles Carter

Yeah, and if you’re stuck, ask for help. Someone in the community’s probably been there. Remember, action is what makes this real. We want you to be the best—so don’t wait. Start tomorrow. Share your story. Let’s build trust, one conversation at a time.

Imani Rhodes

Alright, that’s it for today. Protect trust: talk-with-people, not about-them.